youre lurking in front of me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
