its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
