I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
