I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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