Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
