dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
