He kissed a someone with a penis
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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