i was born a porn star she said
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
