At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
