i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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