She announced her abortion via fbk
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
