and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
