Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize