We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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