I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we're making bets on your personal life
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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