After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
