I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
