Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
