at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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