I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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