Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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