from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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