well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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