How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
