Already got asked if we're dating
Your dad touched me again.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
