I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
