We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
