def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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