his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
