dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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