i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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