dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
