Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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