For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
