so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
