i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
