let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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