Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
