Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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