what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
