It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
