i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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