she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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