I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
