One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
