Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
