there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
