Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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