We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we're making bets on your personal life
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
