i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize