you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize