This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's shark week go big or go home
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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