Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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