She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
