Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize