Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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