"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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