If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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