apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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