we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
