she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
