Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
