I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you had me at cake vodka
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
