long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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