i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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