Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
