What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
